Fighting Skills (1 of 3)
1. How tall are you?
Less than 5'2" (1.57 meters)
Between 5'2 and 5'5" (1.57 to 1.7 meters)
Between 5'5" and 6'0 (1.7 to 1.82 meters)
Over 6' (1.82 meters)
2. How would you describe your build type?
3. How many fights have you been in?
4. Are you strong enough to pick up an 80lb hipster and throw him/her?
During the fight (2 of 3)
5. Would you be comfortable punching a hipster if you weren't certain of their gender?
6. Which of the following venues would you choose for the fight?
Dive bar- I can take them on their home turf
Under a bridge- no one will be able to see them scream
Indoor basketball court- exploit the fact that they're scared of sports
Sunny park- blind them with the light
7. Which of the following CDs would you play during the fight?
8. Which of the following techniques would you use to distract the hipsters?
Throw cigarettes and PBR at them
Dress in plaid for camouflage
Put a bunch of recyclables in the garbage can
None of the above
9. Let’s say one of the hipsters starts jousting you on his fixed-gear bike. What do you do?
Grab him by the suspenders and throw him off
Cower and hide
Grab another hipster's dark-rimmed glasses and use them to jam the spokes
Mental toughness (3 of 3)
10. What is your smell tolerance for people who don't shower?
High- I rarely shower myself
Low- I can't stand it
11. Have you ever been pushed around or roughed up in a riot or protest?
12. Which of the following would you use as your battle cry?
"You all dress like lumberjacks!"
"You're not better than everyone else!"
"Guess what- Neutral Milk Hotel sucks!"
None- I don't have anything against hipsters
13. How many hipster friends do you have?
14. Suppose the fight isn't going well and the hipsters are gaining ground. What do you do?
Fight 'til the bitter end
Call for backup